A Potter Doctor Day
by VivaJuanita
Summary: reading The Remains of the Day Kazuo Ishiguro is boring, so Harry, Draco, and The Doctor team up to make it a bit more interesting. DON'T OWN A THING HERE BUT THE IDEAS!


I am bored. No, I am beyond bored. I am about ready to eat some broccoli covered in peanut butter, I am that bored. Reading The Remains of the Day has sent me spiraling into what can only be described as a coma due to horrible boredom resulting in me wanting to actually drink an alcoholic beverage for the first time in my life. Just as Mr. Stevens, butler extraordinaire was about to embark on yet another useless story of which I really could care less about, a voice rang out in my head.

"How can you possibly stomach that rubbish? I swear if that were _me_, I would not even be within range of that thing. I don't see how you Muggles can read such nonsense for fun." I could practically hear the sneer plastering that face. Wait one second; did I really just hear _Draco Malfoy_? I must be going insane.

I shake my head and try to focus back on the words on those pages in front of me. To no avail I find myself unable to concentrate. I sigh in utter frustration and seriously contemplate torching this book as I have wanted to do with the two previous books before it. Why couldn't we read and study books such as Harry Potter or The Watchmen? I hurl the book onto my bed and lay there staring up at the ceiling allowing my mind to wander.

"Shh! Be quiet, or else you might wake her!"

"Sod off Potter! I will be however loud I bloody feel like! Plus, maybe she shouldn't stay up so late texting and reading those blasted fan fictions about us. See? This is the piece of rubbish I was telling you about."

By this time I had opened my eyes but stayed completely still so as not to alert my…guests. How in the world were Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy standing in my room, and holding my book nonetheless? I had to be dreaming. None of this was real, was it? All too soon Harry noticed I was awake.

"Great going Draco." He nudged the other quite harshly in the ribs, causing the latter to wince. "Erm, so hello. I'm Harry and this here is Draco. We understand you needed some help."

I must have looked at the two as if they were crazy because Draco sneered and Harry looked a bit uncomfortable. Sitting up a bit too quickly, I stood and snatched the book out of Harry's hands.

"I do not need any help thank you, and what the hell are you doing in my room!? You two are fictional characters! Am I still asleep?" I demanded, crossing my arms and glaring at the two.

"Listen you filthy Muggle girl, we came here to help you with your butler problem. If you are more contented with us crawling back into the books of which we came, I am more than happy to. Malfoys do not waste their time with insolent fools." Draco turned swiftly on his heel and was stalking to the door to climb back into the Deathly Hallows, but Harry pulled him back.

"Get your bloody hands off me Potter!" He spat. "She obviously can keep on torturing herself without a problem, so I don't see why I am still needed here." Harry gave him a look and after a minute Draco's resolve wavered.

"Fine, but you owe me BIG time when we get home," grumbled the blonde. Just as I was about to open my mouth a man dressed in a three piece suit and converse with a long brown trench coat burst into my room. I couldn't believe it! He had clearly been running from something, or perhaps to something? Before I could formulate a coherent thought my mouth decided to have a mouth of its own.

"David Tennent?! Oh my God! AMBER, BARTY CROUCH JR. IS IN MY ROOM!"

"I prefer The Doctor, thank you," he stated while removing his glasses, "Oh, and she can't hear you, but please keep your voice down!" I nodded sheepishly and complied. "So what's this I hear about a butler who needs to be taken care of?"

"Ah, well Doctor, it seems as if this butler, Mr. Stevens, has been giving Kristen a spot of a headache and we want to help her." Harry puffed out his chest while Draco rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall.

"I see. So, why don't we bring in this butler then, shall we?" The Doctor put his glasses on. This meant business time. Somewhere in the background It's Business Time by Flight of the Conchords could be heard.

"Now, Mr. Butler Man, I shall only be nice once. What are you doing torturing this poor girl!?" Draco looked as if he were about to hex the aging man if he even moved.

"I am terribly sorry sir, but I do not know of what you speak."

"Oh, stop being a poncy git. I will not hesitate to summon the Dark Lord here to deal with you!"

"The Dark Lord, sir?"

"Argh! Harry, you try now! You're better at this type of thing being a Gryffindor and all." Draco threw his hands up in exasperation and The Doctor merely glanced up from The Remains of the Day looking thoroughly bored to tears.

After Harry tried to prod some sort of confession out of Mr. Stevens the Doctor interrupted.

"Harry, mate, give up. After reading this bit of the book I can see why Kristen was about ready to jump out a window. Send the butler back to his book. I have some universe saving to do anyways. The Master is returning and I must regenerate soon, much to my dismay. Be seeing you soon then." With that the Doctor departed leaving just Harry, Draco and I with the butler. We were at an utter loss for what to do. Just then, a brilliant idea struck me. There was only one way to finish this and only one person could help us now. TO THE BATMOBILE!

*20 minutes later*

"I really don't know what's worse, reading that book or the shenanigans you two insisted upon while I was trying to talk to Terran about getting Voldemort over here!" I shouted. Draco just smirked his signature smirk.

To my amazement the unmistakable clack of stilettos (pink to be exact, even if it isn't a goffik color) could be heard coming down the hall. Now that was the sign of a powerful wizard right there. Only the Dark Lord Voldemort himself could make heels clack against carpet. The door burst open and club music started pounding against the walls.

"I have arrived!" announced Voldemort flamboyantly waving his arms about.

"Lovely," I drawled in a very Snape-like fashion, "now can you please do me a favor and kill this stupid butler!? I really hope Mrs. Cullen doesn't mind," I added as an afterthought.

"Oh, fine. I'd rather kill Harry here with my black (geddit, cuz I'm goffik?) gun here, but I suppose I can kill this Muggle. AVADA KEDAVRA!"

A resounding thump echoed in the now silent room. The Dark Lord looked bored as he admired his nails while Harry, Draco and I looked a bit uncomfortable at the body on my floor.

"Well if that's all then, Lucius is having a kickin party at Malfoy Manner. Toodles!" and with that Voldemort apparated away.

"Um, so I suppose we better shove the bloke back in his book, yeah?" Harry looked reluctant to touch Stevens.

"You're such a pansy! Open the book & Draco, you can be the one who opens the portal to magic booky world being as I am normal." I lifted the deadweight and slipped the deadbeat back into his little butler world in Darlington Hall.

With our job all done there was nothing left for Harry and Draco to do, so I stuck my hand out to say goodbye. Harry apparently wasn't a fan of handshakes so he grabbed me into a hug.

"It's been an honor to kill the butler for you! Please do owl us, or at least keep talking to Draco in your head. Uhm…yeah ok bye!" He jumped into Death Hallows waving.

"Stay out of my head Draco Malfoy," I warned.

"You know you like it," he sneered in return. "I'll be back. Hanging out with Potter and rolling on floors bragging about RUMBLEROAR!!! Is a bit of a drag at times." With an awkward hug he departed and I rest assured knowing I had done a great service to the rest of society.


End file.
